Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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