captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
