someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
