Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
