That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
