OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
