Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
