I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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