hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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