tell your sister to shave her snatch
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
