you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
