That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
