he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize