Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
