my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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