my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i used baking grease as lip gloss
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He shit in the fireplace
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
