billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My dick has a subreddit
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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