I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
