Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
