So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
