At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
