There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
