Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
