Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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