so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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