i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
