I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
