I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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