im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
