You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
