They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
