we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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