and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
