Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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