can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
