we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
