Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
