Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
