the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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