I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
