I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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