She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
