I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
