There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
