so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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