she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
