If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
