i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
