How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
