i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
