Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
