are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
