he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
