I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize