im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
