u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
