he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
