Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize