So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
