I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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