If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
